I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dicks are not precious.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
