day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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