Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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