I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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