pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
