dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
how does that bad decision feel?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
