trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
