so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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