I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize