During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Alive.
So much puke
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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