she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
