For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
