i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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