It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
