we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
