Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
