Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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