i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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