My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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