I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
