i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
