I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
