Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
