Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
