I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
