Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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