I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
