Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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