i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
