who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
