weddingsv make me drug and hornr
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize