my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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