I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
