i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
