i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize