Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
