Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
