Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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