it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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