So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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