i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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