I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
