I met the friendliest cop last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
