I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
