I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He has the fingertips of a God
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
