He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
