Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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