All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
