wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
