like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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