Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
