I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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