I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
