one word: firstdatebathroomanal
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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