Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
