Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
