If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
