um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
