How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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