I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I cut my penus on the lid.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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