Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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