drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
