I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize