You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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