how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
