It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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