So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
