ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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