Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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