The maid of honor just puked.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
