Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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