I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
