I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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