they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
