my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Michael Bay diarrhea
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
