Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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